Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
