its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
