I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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