when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
