you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
