I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
