Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
