Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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