No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
