guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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