we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
