like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
