party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
