Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
