Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How does it feel to date your dad?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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