well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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