Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
