I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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