she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
you made out with another girl for some wings
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
