Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
