even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
