My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
