WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
