you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
