Swine flu. Run for my life!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
