we're blogging at a bar
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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