omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
