Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
