In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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