Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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