It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
