Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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