My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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