I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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