shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
