At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
