I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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