I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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