Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Your dad touched me again.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
