Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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