So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
