last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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