i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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