be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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