Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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