Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
