I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize