Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
