Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
