After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
