Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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