We're facebook friends in real life
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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