I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i used baking grease as lip gloss
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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