i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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