Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
