He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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