sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize