I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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