I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
