I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
