My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
