I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
