he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
