just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize