So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
