I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
A bitchslap is in order.
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