you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
